Going Home
by patriotscowgirl
Summary: Ronnie confronts Ash about his feelings and Ashley gets some shocking news...
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the remember the titans characters featured here. I wish I owned ryan hurst (god hes cute) but you know how those things go. I DO OWN Ashley Cole, her father and any other characters you might not be familiar with (aka random names used to represent people etc) PLEASE R/R! This is my first fanfic and I need the critique!  
  
  
  
  
  
CHAPTER ONE: NEVER AGAIN  
  
BOSTON MASSACHUSETTS 1981  
  
"You can never go home again."  
  
Tom Wolfe once said that. Well, I'm giving it a shot. I'm driving down I-95 to the place that I once called home. After ten years of monotonous jobs and failed relationships, I'm going back to the one place where everything once made sense. Alexandria. Alexandria, Virginia. But I'm dreading this homecoming for more reason than one. My best friend, my brother, my superman is gone. My brave strong superhero has left our world forever. I don't know what to expect, whom I will see or what will have changed, but I know that this is the only place in the world that I can be right now.  
  
I got the call about Gerry two days before. I was walking into my apartment when the phone rang. I expected to hear my mother's nagging voice or my friends telling me what bar they were hitting that night or even my ex husband calling to tell me that I still had his University of Virginia sweatshirt. But instead, my past spoke to me. "Ashley?" My heart stopped. It couldn't be. "Yes?" I knew the voice immediately. "Ashley this is Ronnie."  
  
Ronnie.Ronnie Bass. Why was he calling me? What did he want? After all this time what could he possibly want?  
  
"Ash.I'm so sorry." He trailed off. "What? Ronnie what are you sorry about?" I was extremely confused. "Its Gerry, Ash. Gerry's dead."  
  
My heart stopped. I sat down on the floor of my cluttered and shabby apartment. "What?"  
  
"A drunk driver hit him.he was killed instantly." I could hear Ronnie fighting back the tears that I now allowed to flow freely. "After everything? All his hard work? He's gone?" I could barely form the words between sobs. "I'm so sorry I had to tell you over the phone. But I couldn't come up, we're making arrangements and everything."  
  
"Oh, no don't worry about that. When is the." I trailed off. I couldn't say the word 'funeral'.it made it seem too real. Realer than I ever wanted it to be. "On Friday, three days from now. Can you make it down here?"  
  
"Of course.I-I'll be there."  
  
"Good, it will be good to see you."  
  
I expected Ronnie to hang up right then. But to my surprise he didn't. "How have you been?"  
  
"Okay I guess.you?"  
  
"Well as can be expected I suppose."  
  
"Yeah." "Well, then I guess I'll see you in a few days."  
  
"I guess so. Bye Ronnie." I hung up. The tears fell freely from my eyes. My Gerry was dead. The best friend I had ever had was gone. And now I had to go back to Alexandria-the place where all the demons had begun. I'd have to face them; I'd have to face my mistakes. And now I drive. Drive to the place I once called home, the place where many of my friends and a few of my enemies still reside. Although I try my hardest to push them aside, the memories of superman and Ronnie and Alexandria flood back into my mind. 


	2. Chapter Two

ALEXANDRIA VIRGINIA 1971: OCTOBER 5th I remember that first day in Alexandria like it was yesterday. I remember driving down the streets that cool October morning. I was sitting in the front seat of my dad's Camaro. He insisted on driving me my first day. He thought I'd get lost or something. My dad had just been transferred here from Phoenix, Arizona. My mom had left when I was seven, leaving my dad and me all alone. My dad and I didn't get along. He was always too pushy and never let me talk for myself. He treated me like I was 5 and then scolded me for acting like a child. But I did feel bad for him; everything just sort of fell apart for him when Mom left. He bounced around from job to job and we had moved a lot. We had lived in Arizona for two years and I had started my senior year of high school when dad told us that we were moving to Virginia. Needless to say, I was less than thrilled. For the millionth time I had to pack up and move out and start all over again somewhere new. And for just my senior year! We drove down the street to a large brick building. My dad parked the car and turned to me. "Are you nervous?" I rolled my eyes. "I'm fine. Bye." I said as I gathered my things, opened the door and slammed it. As soon as I left the parking lot, I saw the crowd. Mounds of people with signs were standing at the front entrance protesting the integration. I was in awe of how the people could be so small-minded. Race had never mattered in Arizona. Black or white, no one really cared out there. But apparently it did here. I was so busy looking at the protestors that I walked straight into someone. "Sorry!" I said looking up at who I hit. "Nah its alright." A tall boy in a letterman's jacket looked down at me. "I'm Ronnie, Ronnie Bass." He said, extending a hand. "Ashley Cole. I just moved here from Arizona." I said as I shook his hand.  
  
He nodded. "So you have no idea where to go do you?"  
  
I smiled. "Not a clue." He laughed. "Well come on I'll show you where your locker is." Ronnie guided me through the crowded hallways to my locker. "So how long have you been here?" Ronnie asked as he skillfully maneuvered the crowded hallways. "Um two days actually-" I was cut off.  
  
"Ohmigod guys look! Sunshine's makin his move! Lets all watch and learn." A voice behind me chanted. A pack of guys stood looking amused. Ronnie turned around. "Real funny Petey. This is Ashley Cole, she just moved here from Arizona. I was just showing her where her locker and stuff are. Oh and Ashley this is Petey, Rev and Blue."  
  
"Nice to meet you." I smiled. Petey grinned. "So Ashley, what do you think of Sunshine here?"  
  
"Sunshine?"  
  
The guys laughed. "They gave me the nickname because I just moved here from California." Ronnie explained. "Yeah, that's why." Petey rolled his eyes. Rev tried to change the subject " Are you a football fan?" "Yeah actually I am. Why do you ask?" "Because we all play here, we're the TCW Titans and damn proud of it." announced Blue. "Can you play at all?"  
  
"Actually yeah. I used to play with the boys in my neighborhood when I was growing up. They said I was good.for a girl. Haven't played much lately though."  
  
"Well we'll have to fix that. We'll take you to play sometime." Rev smiled.  
  
"That would be good." I grinned. Then the bell rang. Ronnie gave me quick directions to my English class and we went our separate ways. My English teacher, Mrs. Dover, reviewed my transcript and pointed to an empty seat. I sat down in it and the teacher got up and began droning on about themes in literature. I was spacing out when a small piece of paper was tossed on my desk. "Who are you?" It read. I looked over at the kid who had thrown it. He was also wearing a letterman's jacket as well as a cocky grin.  
  
I rolled my eyes and wrote "That all depends. Who's asking?" and tossed it over to him. The mystery man raised an eyebrow, wrote something and pitched the paper back. "I asked you first.but since you're cute I'll tell you. The name's Ray. Ray Budds." I wrote back. "Ashley Cole. I just moved here from Arizona." I tossed it over. Ray nodded, scrawled something and was about to toss it back when Mrs. Dover walked over and grabbed the note. She read it and sighed. "Well, Mr. Budds and Miss Cole, I do not condone the writing of notes in class. I hope that you will be considerate of that in the future." She walked back to her desk and said "And just for the record class, Ray Budds thinks that Ashley Cole is cute and wants to know if she wants to go out with him tonight."  
  
I could feel myself turning red. This is not how I wanted my first class to go. "Well Miss Cole? I believe Mr. Budds deserves an answer. Will you go out with him?"  
  
I looked at Ray. He smiled innocently.  
  
"Sure." I said and the class broke out into catcalls. "That's enough. Now if you please we will continue our lecture." Mrs. Dover droned on. When the bell rang, Ray caught my arm. "So can I meet you after school?" "I dunno can you?" I looked at him with an innocent sweet as pie expression. "Is that a yes?" He asked. "Meet me at my locker. Its number 2324." I turned and walked to my next class. 


	3. Chapter Three

"Ashley? Were you just talking to Ray Budds?" Ronnie stopped me in the hall. "Yeah why? Is that bad?" Uh oh I had screwed up again. He looked uncomfortable. "Well, not bad per say just well Ray isn't the nicest guy around."  
  
"What's wrong with him?" I asked. I was panicked. What if I was about to go out with an asshole? "Well.he's racist you know and he don't treat people too well unless you're in his inner circle."  
  
"Oh well he ummm asked me out and I said yes." I looked up at Ronnie, or was it Sunshine? "Are you sure you want to do that?" He looked concerned. "I guess.I mean its just one date and he was nice enough to me."  
  
"I guess. Come on I'll walk you to class."  
  
My next class was History with Mr. Brooke. The class was apparently doing some sort of group assignment. He indicated a group with fewer members than the rest and told me to work with them. The three people sitting together seemed to be miserable. Two were in letterman jackets and one was a girl who looked bored with them both.  
  
One of the boys, a short blond kid noticed me. "Who're you?"  
  
"Um Ashley Cole. I just moved here and I'm supposed to be in your group."  
  
"Oh I'm Alan Bosley. That's Emma Hoyt and Gerry Bertier. Sit down, you look awkward standing up like that." He grinned. I found a chair and sat down. "So what are you doing?"  
  
"We have to create a new country-new government, culture everything. We really haven't done much so you won't need to do a lot of catching up." Said Gerry. I nodded. "So where did you move from?" Alan asked. "Phoenix, Arizona. My dad was transferred here." I replied. "Have you met anyone cool?" Gerry asked. "Um yeah Ronnie Bass was really nice. And three guys Petey, Rev and Blue I think their names were. And Ray.Ray Budds."  
  
Emma looked up. "Let me guess, you're the one that Ray asked out." I could tell that this girl was less than impressed with me. "Uh yeah I'm hanging out with him this afternoon."  
  
"Good luck." Gerry rolled his eyes. "Okay is there something wrong with this guy because Ronnie didn't seem to happy either." Alan and Gerry exchanged looks. Alan opened his mouth to say something but Emma cut him off. "There ain't nothing wrong with Ray. He's a great guy and he can be real sweet. Its just some people are too busy with other things to see that." She said, staring at Gerry. "Some people? Well maybe some people are too concerned with what's popular that they're to close minded to see anything else." Emma's mouth dropped open. "Well at least they don't spend time with those goddamn." Alan laughed. "Yeah so this project let's do it so we don't fail okay?" Emma and Gerry glared at each other, but stopped arguing. Alan rolled his eyes.  
  
We started to work but Emma and Gerry didn't speak the rest of the class.  
  
The next two classes-Math and Spanish-were a blur to me. I was overjoyed to hear the bell for lunch. I was at my locker when a familiar voice said "I'm sorry about what happened in History."  
  
Emma stood next to me. "What do you mean?" She hadn't really done anything to apologize for. She sighed. "Me and Gerry I mean. We kinda wrecked the project work. It's just that.well we used to date but things didn't work out. I didn't like some of his friends and he chose them over me. I'm still not quite over it; it was only a week ago. If I get bitchy like that around him you'll understand. I'm really not like that I swear." She smiled. "It's okay. I know how that can be."  
  
She walked away. I was just closing my locker and about to head to lunch when I saw Gerry standing next to me. "Hey Ashley, how your first day going?"  
  
"Can't complain." I smiled. "Hey I know that you don't know many people so you wanna come eat with us? I'd hate for you to be alone."  
  
I smiled. "That would be great. Thanks for the invite."  
  
He smiled and we turned and walked to the cafeteria. "Uh I saw you talking to Emma. Whatever she says about me isn't true. She's just a little bitter about how we broke up." Gerry said. "She didn't say anything bad.just that you guys broke up that's all."  
  
He nodded. "Did she tell you why?"  
  
I bit my lip. "She said you picked your friends over her."  
  
"Sort of. She didn't like that I was hanging out with blacks, she's still racist you know and she was being a real bitch to Julius and the guys."  
  
"Oh." I didn't know what to say. We entered the cafeteria and sat at table with Ronnie, Petey, Blue, Rev and Alan. I also was introduced to Julius and Lewie Lastik, two other football players. "Hey Ash! How's school treating you?" Ronnie asked. "Its going alright." I grinned. "So Ash," said Petey. "I heard you and Ray Budds are going out?" I rolled my eyes. What was the big deal with this guy? "Uh we're hanging out after school. Nothing big I don't really know him well."  
  
"Well here's a tip-don't bother getting to know him. He's a jerk." Blue said. "Guys don't try to turn her against him. She's a big girl and can make her own decisions about who she dates." Gerry said. He grinned at me from across the table. The subject then turned from Ray to football, which suited me just fine.  
  
The rest of the day passed quickly for me. I was walking from my last period class to my locker when I saw Ray was already standing there waiting for me. "Hey beautiful. Thought I'd have to wait longer." He grinned that cocky grin. "Aw I wouldn't keep you waiting." I laughed. "So where do you want to go?" Ray asked me as I gathered my things from my locker. "I've barely lived here two days I don't know anything about this town."  
  
Ray looked contemplative. "Well let's get out of here and drive around. Maybe we'll think of something fun to do." We walked out to the parking lot and got into Ray's pickup truck. We drove down to the A&W and got sodas then he drove us out to The Hill, which I guess was the local hangout. Since it was so early in the day, the place was deserted. "So Miss Ashley, what do you think of our humble town?"  
  
"It's.okay. I mean it isn't home."  
  
He laughed. "Well what was so great about Phoenix?"  
  
"I dunno, nothing really. That's just where all my friends are, it kinda sucks having to start from scratch my senior year." "Well if its any consolation I'm glad you came." God he was smooth. I smiled. "Thanks. So what about you Ray Budds? What's the story?" He laughed. "Well, I've lived here my whole life.played football since I was eight, gone to school under duress. I live with my dad mom and three younger sisters. Other than that.my life is pretty average I guess."  
  
I nodded and played with my straw. He was really nice and he was pretty cute too. Right then he flipped on the radio. Etta James's filled the car. "At Last, my love has come along, my lonely days are over and life is like a song" I looked up at Ray. "You are so beautiful Ashley." He leaned over and kissed me. A few seconds later he broke it. "Sorry." He said as he sat back down. "What are you sorry for?" I asked. "Did you want that to happen?" He asked. "Don't answer a question with a question-its bad manners." I said. He grinned that cocky grin that I was starting to like. "Well I have a question."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Can I kiss you again?"  
  
I bit my lip. "Do you want to kiss me again?"  
  
"I thought you said that it was bad manners to answer a question with another question."  
  
"I lied." I smiled. He leaned over and we kissed again. An hour later, he dropped me off at my house. "See you tomorrow." He said as he kissed my cheek one last time. "Bye."  
  
I walked to my door thinking that maybe Alexandria wouldn't be so bad after all. 


	4. Chapter Four

That night, while I was doing my homework the phone rang.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Ashley?"  
  
"Ronnie?"  
  
"Yeah hey what's going on?"  
  
"Oh not too much, you?"  
  
"Same old shinola here. How was your date?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "It was good, much to your dismay."  
  
"Why to my dismay?"  
  
I sighed. "Because it's obvious you don't want me dating Ray."  
  
There was a pause. "Look Ash, I don't know you very well yet but I want to get to know you. You seem really cool and I hope we can be friends. From what I know of Ray Budds, he is an arrogant and conceited racist whose measure of girls is three letters high." I bit my lip. I knew what three letters Sunshine meant.  
  
"I think that you're smarter than to get involved with someone who has the potential to be a real asshole. Don't take it the wrong way, I mean if you really like him go for it but if you have any doubts, break it off."  
  
"I dunno yet. I think I need to give it a little time. Thanks for the concern."  
  
"Ah no problem. So I'll see you at school tomorrow?" He said. "Bright and early."  
  
He laughed. "Bye Ash." He hung up. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The rest of that first week went by in a blur. I went to class, hung out with Gerry and Ronnie and the rest of the guys and Ray.well Ray was around. My next vivid memory was of the first Titan football game I went to. Since all of my friends were football players, I was worried about having to sit alone but Gerry had already taken care of that. He introduced me to Coach Yoast, Boone, and Yoast's daughter Sheryl. Sheryl was a fanatical nine year old whose life revolved around football. I sat down next to her as she excitedly started explaining who was playing what position and how good they were. "Gerry Bertier is strong side linebacker! He's so good he's been an All- American since his sophomore year! And Rev Harris is a great quarterback. Too bad his blocker is crummy."  
  
"Who's the blocker?"  
  
Sheryl rolled her eyes. "Ray Budds. He don't like blocking for Rev because he's black. Isn't that the meanest thing you've ever heard?" Sheryl then continued to talk about every other player on the team but I only half listened. If a 9-year-old girl could tell that Ray was a not so great guy then why couldn't I see it? I was supposed to go out with him that night, after the game but I was seriously debating canceling. The Titans won, continuing their undefeated record. After the game, I saw Gerry and Julius walking to the locker rooms.  
  
"Gerry I need a favor!" He turned around. "What is it?"  
  
"Tell Ray I can't go out with him tonight."  
  
Gerry was puzzled. "Why not? I thought you liked him."  
  
"I just don't like the way he ain't blocking for Rev. And he hasn't exactly been nice to Sunshine and." Gerry put his hand over my mouth. "Say no more. What's your excuse?"  
  
"Uhhh I hadn't given it much thought."  
  
Gerry laughed. "I'll make something up. Hey and since you're free now you can come over to my house. We're having a little party to celebrate the victory and the best part is it's Ray free."  
  
I laughed. "Sounds good."  
  
A half hour later I was at Gerry's house celebrating the Titans' win over pizza. The whole gang was there: Ronnie, Petey, Julius, Alan, Blue, Rev and Lewie. The guys were great. They treated me like I was one of them. It was amazing to have such great friends. "So Ash, why aren't you out with Ray tonight?" Petey asked. "Well, I'm actually trying to break things off with good ol' Ray. He isn't the great guy I thought he was." I shrugged. Petey nodded. "Well I'm glad you've seen the light." That was the last we spoke of Ray that night. The guys spent the rest of the night talking about football and music, which was fine by me. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Just as the clock struck twelve and my curfew was up, I walked into my house. My dad sat on the couch impatiently waiting for me to come home. "And where were you tonight?" He demanded. "I went to the football game and then celebrated with the guys at Gerry Bertier's house." I said. "Guys? You were alone with a bunch of boys all night? Weren't there any girls there?"  
  
"Uh no. And we weren't all alone, Gerry's mom was home the whole time."  
  
My dad shook his head. "Ashley I don't like you hanging out with those boys."  
  
"Why not? They're really great."  
  
"I'm sure they're very nice but if it's all the same to you, I don't like the thought of you being friends with boys. I'd much rather have you have a group of girls that you hang around with."  
  
"Why? The girls here aren't like the ones in Arizona. They're all stuck up and concerned about race. But the guys are all cool."  
  
"I don't want to pursue this now. By the way, another boy, Ray something called three times tonight."  
  
"Really?" I tried to sound surprised. "He told me that you cancelled your date and he had no clue where you were and he was worried about you. Are you dating him? Did you stand him up?" My dad was starting to get angry. "We've hung out a few times and I didn't really feel like hanging out with him tonight so I cancelled." My dad cringed. "I don't like this, you canceling your dates to spend time with other guys."  
  
"That's not how it is! I'm just friends with them! I don't have feelings for any of them!" I was getting really sick of it. My dad always hated the thought of me being friends with guys. He told me that boys were for dating and dating alone, not for friendship. "Ashley, don't get upset. I just don't want you to ruin your chances of finding a nice boy to settle down with."  
  
My heart all but stopped. "Settle down with? Jesus dad I'm not going to marry Ray or Gerry or any other guy I've met here!" I hated it when he pulled the marriage card. He did it all the time. "You don't know that." He started.  
  
"Dad face it! I'm going to college. I'm going to graduate and get a job. Then maybe after that I'll get married but I don't want to think about that now!"  
  
"Go to bed Ashley, its late." Was his response. "Is that all you have to say?"  
  
"I've accepted the fact that you are going to college but I don't like talking about it now please go to bed before I change my mind."  
  
I rolled my eyes and stomped up to my room. My dad was such a sexist pig. He hated the thought of me being successful without a man's help, because that's what mom did. And he would do anything and everything to keep me from being strong and independent like her. 


	5. Chapter Five

The next morning, my dad didn't mention the night before. He went about his business like usual and left the house to meet a friend from work. The following week went much the same way. I'd wake up and eat breakfast and he'd say the usual "how are you how are your grades blah blah blah" and then he'd go to work and I'd go to school. I'd get home and make dinner, we'd eat then we wouldn't talk the rest of the night. Although it seems cold, things worked better like that. The memories I have of high school are few and far between. I hardly remember my classes and teachers, I only recall that each week's passing was marked by the Friday night football game and the parties afterwards. The next week's game against Herndon was not going well. I sat in the stands with Sheryl Yoast and listened to her enthusiastic commentary. "Rev Harris is a great quarterback," She explained. "He's got a good arm and he's a fast runner."  
  
"What about Sunshine?" I asked, curious about my friend.  
  
"Coach says he's got real potential. He can throw it a mile but can't pitch it a yard." Sheryl shrugged.  
  
The next thing I remember is Rev lying on the ground with Ray and Lewie standing over him. The entire team was crowded around him. Lewie was so apologetic, swearing he yelled the play but Ray denied hearing it. That's when I knew.Ray missed the block on purpose. I had never been more disgusted in my life. Boone helped Rev off the field and walked over to Ronnie. Sheryl sat their wide eyed and open mouthed. "They're putting Sunshine in! I hope he's ready!"  
  
"He's ready. He's going to win it." I knew it. Ronnie had to do it he deserved it. He was the first person who'd befriended me and I wanted to see him win it so badly. Sunshine was visibly anxious when he went in, but ended up nailing the play.  
  
The titans went on to win again, continuing the undefeated streak. When the game was over, I went down to the locker rooms to congratulate Ronnie. "I am so proud of you!" I ran up to him and gave him a hug.  
  
"Not bad for a second stringer." He grinned.  
  
"So what are we doing tonight?" I asked. "Going down to the A&W. Most of the guys already left but Gerry asked if I'd wait for him. He said he had to talk to Ray."  
  
Ray. I'd almost forgotten about him. "He missed it on purpose."  
  
"I know." Ronnie sighed. "Gerry's kicking him off."  
  
I gasped. "I thought Boone didn't cut players."  
  
Sunshine shrugged. "He's making an exception."  
  
We walked to the parking lot where Ronnie and Gerry's cars were parked side by side. A few moments later, a visibly shaken Gerry walked over to us.  
  
"How'd it go?" Ronnie asked.  
  
Gerry shrugged. "He's pissed. I haven't seen him that mad in a long time. He said some stuff.I don't wanna talk about it." He got in his car but didn't start it, he just sat there looking off into space. "Ronnie you go ahead to meet the guys. I'm gonna go and." "Talk to Gerry? I'll meet you guys in a while." With that Ronnie got in his car and sped away. I climbed into Gerry's Camaro. He looked over at me briefly then returned to his spaced out frame of mind. "Gerry what happened?"  
  
He sighed. "Ray didn't block for Rev on purpose.you probably figured that out. So I told Boone that he should be off. Boone never wants to cut people so he told me if I felt that strongly I had to go tell Ray myself. So I did. God, I never saw him so mad. Ray and me've been good buddies for a long time and now so it was hard for me to say. But goddammit some of the stuff he said about Julius and Rev and the other guys.I never heard anything so racist and cruel in my life. Then he started." Gerry stopped. "What?" I asked. "Never mind." He looked away from me. I bit my lip. "Did he say something about me?"  
  
Gerry sighed. "He said we're a bad influence on you. He said that we're forcing you not to date him and stuff. Then he started saying how you didn't have a mind of your own and that you couldn't figure this stuff out for yourself."  
  
I contemplated this for a moment. "So in other words I'm a stupid girl who can't possibly do anything on my own. Glad I know where I stand."  
  
"I'm so sorry I had to tell you that."  
  
"Don't be. Gerry, Ray was your friend for a real long time. It must have killed you to have done this tonight. I think that its real brave. " I smiled at him weakly. Gerry smiled back. "Thanks Ash. You know, I'm really not in the mood for A&W. You mind if I just drop you off and head home?"  
  
"Sure. Are you going to be okay?" I asked. "Yeah, I'll be fine."  
  
"Well call me if you need anything."  
  
He grinned and gave me a hug. "You are the best Ashley. I'm really glad you came here."  
  
He pulled up to the A&W and I got out of the car. "Thanks to you, I'm glad I came too." 


	6. Chapter Six

Saturday mornings were always spent cleaning up after my dad. He was a major slob and always bitched when the house was a mess. So my weekends always started out with that fun task. Later that afternoon, Sunshine called.  
  
"What are you doing tonight?" He asked me.  
  
"Um nothing why you wanna hang out?" I asked. "Sounds good. What should we do?"  
  
"No clue. You decide I'm too lazy."  
  
Ronnie laughed. "Why don't I pick you up at 7:00 and we'll go from there." I giggled. "Sounds like a plan."  
  
Seven o'clock came and with it Ronnie's bright red Thunderbird drove up to my house.  
  
"Bye Dad I'll be home later!" I yelled on my way out the door. "Hey!" I said as I jumped into Ronnie's car. "So what are we doing?" "Going back to my place. No one's there and we can do the nasty all night." He looked at me earnestly. "Cute, really cute Sunshine. No really what?"  
  
"Movies I guess. Nothing better to do." He shrugged. I sat ponderingly for a moment. My thoughts were interrupted by his voice. "Unless you want to go back to my house. There is no nasty required."  
  
"Sure.as long as you have good food there." I smiled. "Fully stocked fridge."  
  
"Then let's go."  
  
Ronnie lived on the other side of town. Not the Berg.the other part of Cemetery Ridge.up north closer to the school. We got out of the car and headed straight to the kitchen where chips and soda galore awaited us. We grabbed all the stuff we could carry and went to watch tv. We sat on the big leather couch watching the Brady Bunch and Partridge Family and other lame shows like that. All the while we talked about school, friends family-life in general. I loved having Sunshine as much as I loved having Gerry. They were my best friends.  
  
"I'm bored Ashley. Lets do something." Sunshine said as he devoured the last of the chips. "What's there to do?" I asked. "Uhhh the nasty?"  
  
"Haha very funny. No seriously."  
  
Sunshine looked at me. "How adventurous are you feeling?"  
  
I laughed. "I already told you we aren't doing it."  
  
"Hey you told Petey and the guys that you used to play football.let's see what you got." "What I got? Man you and your Titan ass are gonna be begging for mercy when I'm done with you." I grinned. We got up and ran outside.  
  
He picked up a football. "So Miss Cole.you any good at pass receiving?"  
  
"Why don't you stop the chit chat and play Mr. Bass?"  
  
He wound up and threw the ball long. I ran as fast as I could and caught it. "Not bad, huh?" I said as I caught my breath.  
  
"One problem-you have to run it in for the touchdown and the defense is looking pretty strong." Ronnie said in reference to himself. He paused for a split second and started running towards me. I sprinted away from him but he was too fast-he grabbed me around the waist and tackled me to the ground. We lay on the ground laughing for a few seconds before we realized the awkward position we were in. I was lying on my back and Ronnie was on top of me. When we became conscious of how we were lying, the laughter stopped. We were both breathing hard. What was happening? This was my best friend.and he was lying on top of me and I wasn't exactly sure if I wanted him there or not. I wasn't sure enough to push him off though. We just lay there for what seemed like an eternity. Then he leaned down to me.oh god he was going to kiss me.his face was coming closer I could feel his hot breath on my face.  
  
"Ronald Edwin Bass what on earth are you doing?" The sharp voice ended the moment. We looked up. Colonel Bass and Mrs. Bass stood in front of us. "Dad its not what it looks like." Ronnie protested as he hopped up and offered me a hand, which I accepted.  
  
"Well son it looks to me that you and your girlfriend here were making out on our front lawn!" Colonel Bass was fuming.  
  
"No Dad I swear.Ashley isn't my girlfriend."  
  
"Oh god! Ronnie did we raise you to consort with random girls?" His mother gasped. "No Ma.Ash is my friend we were playing football and um I tackled her and we just sort of spaced out." Ronnie said. I nodded in affirmation. I didn't want the Colonel to think that there was anything going on between us.nor did I want him to tell my dad what just happened. The Colonel looked down at us. "Ashley I think its time you be getting home."  
  
Ronnie reached for his car keys. "No, Ronald, I can drive her. I think you two have had enough time together for one night." The Colonel guided me to his car. "Bye Ronnie. Nice meeting you Mrs. Bass." I said as Mrs. Bass turned away from me and led Ronnie into the house. I remember that car ride well. Colonel Bass was so intimidating, I felt about 6 inches tall. "Ashley, are you and Ronald dating?" He asked me at one point.  
  
"No sir, we're just good friends, that's all." "Well, it has been my experience that a boy and a girl cannot be good friends for very long without one feeling an attraction to the other." He eyed me knowingly.  
  
"Well I can assure you Sir that Ronnie and I are just friends and plan to stay just friends for along time."  
  
"Well if you two don't want more than friendship then why didn't you push him off of you when he allegedly tackled you in football?" He looked down at me mischievously. I bit my lip. Why hadn't I pushed Ronnie off.or gotten up.or done something that would suggest otherwise. Did I want Ronnie to kiss me? Moreover, did Ronnie want to kiss me? A simple game of football had just turned into so much more. 


	7. Chapter Seven

The rest of the weekend passed uneventfully. I drove to school that Monday morning, apprehensive about what would happen with Ronnie. I was still baffled about Saturday night's events. I never thought in a million years that I would have feelings for Sunshine but that was before we almost.no. I couldn't say it. I almost kissed my best friend, practically my brother. I pulled into my parking space, took a deep breath and walked towards the school.  
  
As I walked, someone stopped me by putting their hands over my eyes. "Guess who?" Ray's voice rang out behind me.  
  
"Hey." I forced a smile on to my lips. "Where were you all weekend?" He asked. "Around." I said quickly. "I called you know." He seemed upset. "Oh? I didn't get any messages. My dad is really bad about not telling me who called." I smiled. He didn't. "What's going on with us Ash? I mean.I know you know about Friday night."  
  
"Yes." I said quietly.  
  
"Are you mad?" He looked into my eyes. "Yes."  
  
"I didn't want to hurt you."  
  
"I know.but what you did was horrible. Rev isn't just some random colored boy that you like to make fun of, he's my friend, and your teammate. Why did you do it?" I asked. "I'm sorry.I don't know what I can say to make it better." Ray sighed. "Go apologize to Rev."  
  
"I cant do that." He shook his head.  
  
"Do it. Please, Ray if you care about me at all you will. He's my friend and you might have just ruined any chance of him getting a football scholarship."  
  
Ray's glance softened. "I will.if you make me a promise."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"That you'll go to homecoming with me."  
  
My heart stopped. Homecoming? I hadn't given it much thought.but I didn't imagine myself going with Ray. Part of me wanted to go with him.he was always so sweet to me. But another, larger part kept telling me that Gerry and the guys would never forgive me.  
  
"God Ray, um can I think about it a little?"  
  
He nodded. "I'll call you later and you can tell me." I smiled and walked to my locker where Gerry was standing. "Heya Ash. Heard you and Sunshine had a little tryst this weekend."  
  
"And where did we hear that?" I asked rolling my eyes. "Sunshine. So what's the story?"  
  
"There is no story. We almost kissed that's all."  
  
Gerry's eyes widened. "You did? All I heard was that you hung out at his house."  
  
"Ummmm well it was kind of unintentional. We were playing football, he tackled me and we were just caught up in the moment." I shrugged and opened my locker. Gerry nodded. "Do you like him?"  
  
"He's my friend.of course I like him."  
  
Gerry rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."  
  
"I dunno.I mean I think I could but I don't really right now-you know what I mean?"  
  
He nodded. "So what are you doing about homecoming?"  
  
I bit my lip. I had to tell him.I couldn't just make it a surprise. But how could I say it? Yeah Gerry, I might be going with Ray Budds-you know the racist kid who you just kicked off the team. Gerry looked down at me. "Earth to Ashley? It wasn't supposed to be a stumper."  
  
"Oh sorry." I said. "Well?"  
  
I took a deep breath. "You have to promise you won't be mad."  
  
Gerry looked confused for a moment then an understanding look came across his face. "You're going with Ray aren't you?"  
  
I didn't say anything.  
  
Gerry swore. "Ash what is wrong with you? Do you not understand what a jerk he is? Why would you go out with him after what he did to Rev?"  
  
"Gerry he can be real sweet when he wants. And he's gonna apologize to Rev, I told him I wouldn't go if he didn't."  
  
He swore again. "I cant believe this."  
  
"Gerry I didn't say yes yet! I was worried that you were gonna react like this and you guys are more important to me than stupid homecoming!"  
  
I slammed my locker and walked to my class.  
  
I spent the rest of my day avoiding the guys, which wasn't exactly easy to do considering they had formed the habit of waiting for me between classes. When lunch rolled around, I stayed in the bathroom and ate there. I couldn't face Gerry; after the fight and god knows I couldn't look at Sunshine after Saturday night. And once the other guys got wind of me and Ray, they probably would want to scream at me too. After lunch I successfully avoided the guys until the end of school. It was hard, I mean they were my best friends, but I couldn't face them. I was walking to my car that afternoon when I saw Ronnie walking towards me. I pretended I hadn't seen him and booked it to my car but he intercepted me.  
  
"Ashley! What's going on?" He said as he ran up along side me. "Nothing." I said as I continued the path to my car. "Well something is up? Where have you been all day? You weren't at lunch and no one has seen you at all. Except Gerry.but he wouldn't say anything? What's going on?" He put his hand on my shoulder and turned me to face him. "Nothing." I repeated. "You're lying. Is it about what happened on Saturday night? Are you just avoiding me because of that?"  
  
"No! Ronnie that's not it at all." I said.  
  
"Well then what?"  
  
I bit my lip. "It's about homecoming."  
  
"Oh? Well um what exactly? Because I actually needed to talk to you about that."  
  
"Ray asked me." I said, cutting him off. Ronnie stopped. He looked at me open mouthed. "You didn't say yes?"  
  
"I didn't say no."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I told him I'd think about it.then Gerry found out and he was pissed and started yelling at me so I got mad at him and I really didn't want to have a confrontation about it at lunch in front of everyone so."  
  
"So you avoided us?" Ronnie finished.  
  
"Well.yeah. I expected you to know.I thought Gerry would tell you guys."  
  
Ronnie sighed. He was obviously displeased. I stood there, trapped in the unpleasant stillness. I wanted to say something.but what? Nothing seemed right. Finally Ronnie opened his mouth. "Ash.why Ray? I'm not even going to bring up what he did to Rev and how he treats everyone.but what do you see in him?"  
  
"I know it looks bad.but you don't know him like I do. He's real sweet to me and he promised that he'd apologize to Rev. I know that he has the potential to be a really nice guy."  
  
Ronnie ran his fingers through his hair. "It's just.just that you could do so much better. He isn't good enough for you.you need someone that would be there for you. Someone that would respect you, love you for who you are-not what you look like."  
  
I looked up at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Look Ash, you're beautiful. You must know that and I'm worried Ray only wants one thing." "Ronnie I really appreciate the concern but I'm a big girl and I can make my own decisions. I don't know about Ray yet. I need some time."  
  
Sunshine rolled his eyes. "Okay.but Ash can I just say one thing before you go?"  
  
"Yeah sure."  
  
"Don't just say yes to Ray because you think that no one else will ask you. There are a dozen guys who would kill to go with you."  
  
I smiled weakly. "Thanks Ron. I'll see you later." I got into my car and sped away. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Later that night, I was doing the dishes after dinner. My dad sat at the kitchen table balancing his checking account. The nightly news was on, roaring loudly over the deafening silence between my father and I. I had enough on my mind without my father's constant nagging about this or that. I never thought that I'd be the type of person to get so worked up about something as stupid as a Homecoming Dance. But it really wasn't the dance.it was the people surrounding it. On one side there was Ray.the rough around the edges racist who under the right circumstances could be extremely sweet former football player. But going with him would mean ditching Ronnie and Gerry-my two best friends. And Ronnie.god he was so confusing! First Saturday night made me question our entire friendship then this afternoon.he said I was beautiful and then that whole "guys would kill to go with you" thing made me wonder if maybe he wanted to be more than friends. The thought of my liking him had crossed my mind more than once this past week but him liking me back would be a whole other story.  
  
I was drying the last of the dishes when the phone rang. My stomach lurched at this awful sound. As I figured it, the voice on the other end of the call was one of three people-none of which I wanted to talk to. The phone rang three times. On the third ring, my father got up, looked at me agitatedly and said "Hello?" I silently prayed for a telemarketer or one of dad's business associates but all of those hopes were dashed when my father uttered the words, "Yes, she's here may I ask who's calling?" There was a short pause and then my father handed me the phone. "A boy named Gerry."  
  
I took a deep breath and said "Hello?"  
  
"Ash? Ashley this is Gerry."  
  
"I know.what's going on?" I asked, trying to be casual.  
  
"Ashley.are you going to homecoming with Ray or not?"  
  
I sighed. "I haven't decided yet. Why? Did you call to bitch me out again because if you did I'm really not in the mood..." "Well you better get in the mood because there's some stuff that needs to be said."  
  
"Like what? Like you think Ray's an asshole? Like you think he's an evil dirty racist who only has one side to him? Well I got a news flash for you Bertier, there's more than meets the eye with Ray Budds."  
  
He laughed. "Oh innocent Ashley how little you really know."  
  
"Shut up Gerry I told you I don't want to hear it!"  
  
"Well little miss stick up her ass, I hope you know that dating Ray is not going to end well for you. The kid's an ass and he'll only hurt you. And just to let you know, when he does hurt you, don't come cryin' to me because I warned you. I won't wanna hear it Ash." "Gerry I am so fucking sick and tired of everyone telling me what I should do! I'm not six! I'm a big girl and can make decisions on my own so stop trying to make them for me!"  
  
"So that's it! You're trying to rebel! I get it.real cute. No one is forcing you to do anything Ashley. And as for treating you like a kid? Why don't you stop acting like one?!"  
  
"Whatever Gerry. You'll have to excuse me I have a phone call to make. I just found the most amazing dress for homecoming and I want to tell Ray what color it is so he can match my corsage to it. Have a nice day!" I slammed down the phone. I was practically out of breath. Never in a million years had I thought that I'd have gotten in a screaming fight with anyone, much less Gerry. That shouldn't have happened like that.he's my best friend-or was my best friend. I closed my eyes and tried to regain my composure. I had to make my phone call. I picked up the receiver and dialed the familiar number. "Hello?" A guy's voice answered. "Ray?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"This is Ashley."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "This is WZDS Alexandria. It's 6:00 AM and a beautiful day outside. Now how about a little Spirit in the Sky to get all of you kids out of bed?."  
  
My clock radio's alarm forced me to wake that next morning. God I dreaded going to school.I couldn't face anyone. I knew by now that Ray would have told all his buddies about me saying yes about homecoming and therefore half the school would know. And the half that didn't hear from Ray would hear from Gerry. I reluctantly rose, took my shower and drove to TCW. I walked into the building towards my locker, attempting not to make eye contact with anyone. I stopped at my locker and was putting my books away when I felt someone standing behind me. I could see from my locker mirror's reflection that the person was Ronnie. I pretended not to notice and continued putting my books away.  
  
"So this is how it's going to be now?"  
  
I closed my eyes, praying that when I opened them all of my troubles would be gone.that Ronnie wouldn't be standing there and that things would just be back to normal. But I knew that my attempts were in vain. Ronnie sighed. "Ashley.why did you do it?"  
  
I remained silent. I couldn't even turn around and look at Ronnie in the eye. "So you won't even look at me? Ashley please, just tell me why. I thought we were friends."  
  
When I remained silent for the third time he grabbed my shoulder and turned me to face him. I looked up at him, hoping he wouldn't notice the tears forming in my eyes. "I like Ray. That's why." He rolled his eyes. "The Ashley Cole I know could never like someone like Ray Budds."  
  
"Well then I guess you don't know me as well as you thought."  
  
"I know you just fine Ash and I know that you have some sort of stupid reason for going with Ray to prevent you from." He stopped.  
  
I knew what he would have said. That would have prevented me from going with him. "I have to go Ronnie." I slammed my locker shut and walked away as fast as I could. I ran into the bathroom and locked myself into a stall. Tears began to fall freely from my eyes. I had just lost my best friends because of my own stubbornness. I had never felt so lost or alone in all of my life. When the bell rang, I reluctantly gathered my things, wiped my face clean of tears and walked to class. By lunch, I was just about ready to die. In each class I sat alone in a corner in a desperate attempt to hide from the guys. I just wanted to get through these next few days and then maybe I would think about the rest of the year. On my way to my locker, I was intercepted in the hallway by Rev. I braced myself for another horrible conversation. "Ashley can I talk to you?"  
  
"Sure Rev, what's on your mind?" I said trying to sound casual. "I want you to know that if you want to go to homecoming with Ray, its your own business and I wont bother you about it like the other guys have."  
  
I looked up at Rev surprised. My facial expression must have tipped him off that I was in desperate need of an explanation. "Ray came and talked to me," Rev began. "He caught me this morning and told me he was sorry about hurting me. He said that maybe his ideas about black and white need a reality check and that I'm an okay guy."  
  
My heart skipped a beat. Ray was making an effort? I couldn't have been happier. "I'm glad, Rev. I hope you get to see the good side of Ray, the one that I see." I smiled.  
  
Rev's expression changed. "Ash, as far as I'm concerned, there ain't no good side of Ray Budds. He did this for you. He really cares about you. I say if someone like him is willing to change because he found something or someone to change for, he's got potential. If Ray can be good to you, then I will hold a tiny bit of respect for him."  
  
I smiled at Rev and gave him a hug. "You have no idea how badly I needed to hear that someone was on my side. Thank you."  
  
Rev slowly grinned down at me. "Ash you may have done something I'm not crazy about, but that don't mean I'm gonna stop loving you. And just give the others time, everything will work out in the end, just you wait and see." Rev walked down to lunch after this. I was left standing in the hallway alone. Everything wasn't going to work out in the end. I had this premonition of bad things to come. But looking back now, I realize how much right on that bad feeling was. 


	9. Chapter Nine

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own any of the cast of Remember the Titans (I wish I owned Ryan Hurst because he is fiiiine) I DO OWN Ashley Cole, her father, and other random characters thrown in. "My girl" belongs to the temptations and "unchained melody" belongs to the righteous bros. Consider yourself disclaimed and enjoy the show. A/N-special thanks to Amellia Rogue, Ara Kane, doyles-always, Anonymissimo, lulubella and Lydia. The reviews were much appreciated. I hope that ill stop being lazy and update more often now.  
  
"I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside I've got the month of May. I guess you'd say What can make me feel this way?  
  
My girl Talkin' 'bout my girl..."  
  
The radio released the smooth sounds of The Temptations as I got ready for homecoming. I stood in front of my mirror and looked myself over. My black halter dress fit me perfectly. My hair was swept into an updo that although was beautiful was not worth the fortune I spent on it. My feet were crammed into gorgeous but painful sandals. "Sunshine on a cloudy day." I muttered, "Sunshine is the last thing I want to think about now." A knock at the door disrupted my thoughts. "Come in." I said. My father entered my room. "Ashley, you look wonderful." He smiled. I tried to smile back. "Thanks."  
  
"Mr. Budds is going to be stunned when he sees you. I doubt he'll be able to walk straight." He laughed. Again, I weakly smiled back.  
  
"You know Ashley, you could do a lot worse than to end up with someone like Ray."  
  
"Dad don't start." I couldn't believe it. I had enough on my mind than to think about my dad wanting me to get married. "Ashley you always get like this whenever I bring up your future! Why? What are you so afraid of?"  
  
"Maybe its because I don't want the future that you want for me! Maybe I don't want to list "homemaker" as my occupation on my income tax form! Maybe I want to go to college and get a job and not depend on a husband!"  
  
My father walked towards me. "What are you going to do at college? Spend money my money to meet a nice boy?"  
  
"No Dad! I'm going to college to get an education so I can make something of myself! So I don't have to depend on a guy to run my life! I've had enough of that living with you for 17 years!"  
  
My father went pale. "I've done what's best for you Ashley Cole. Don't you dare insult me. You know what? Fine. Go to college. Get your precious education. You win. I don't care anymore. Do whatever you want. But I guarantee that you'll end up miserable. Miserable and alone." He turned and walked out of the room. I was fuming. All of those years of hatred towards my father had finally come out. How one person who I cared so little about could make me so mad I didn't quite know, but I did know that I had to start making something of myself if I didn't want to end up like he thought I would. My thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell. Ray. Good ol' two faced but loveable Ray. I walked down the stairs and opened the door. Ray stood there holding a corsage. "Whoa." Was all he said. I laughed. "Whoa is right. I never thought you'd be rendered speechless Mr. Budds." "Well I guess you didn't take a close enough look in the mirror Miss Cole or else you would have seen why I can find the words to say how beautiful you look." He took the red rose corsage out of the box and slid it onto my wrist. I smiled. It was times like this that made me completely forget about Ray's less than pleasant side. How could someone who is so sweet to me be so awful to other people?  
  
"Well beautiful, I think it's time for us to make our entrance. You ready?"  
  
I nodded as Ray led me out to the car. I had to have a good time tonight, I just had to. "Ray I really want to thank you for apologizing to Rev like that. I really appreciate it." I looked over at him from the passenger's seat. "Don't worry about it babe. I mean I guess I owed him at least that and it made you happy. And I really do want to make you happy Ash, I mean I really care about you." I smiled. "I know."  
  
He turned to me with a wicked grin on. "You know? That's it?"  
  
I laughed. "Yup."  
  
"No I love you too?"  
  
Wait love? Who said love? I sure didn't. And Ray didn't-wait he just did. Why did that L word come up? "Ashley? Did you catch that?" Ray eyed me. "Uhhhhh maybe?"  
  
"Ashley I just told you I love you."  
  
"Oh." Oh was right! Ray loved me? What was that supposed to mean? What was I going to say? How was I supposed to react?  
  
"Ash? Are you okay?" Oh god oh god he expected me to talk! What do I say what do I say?  
  
"I Love you too." I blurted out. Oh god nice move Ashley you don't love him! He grinned. "I was hoping you'd say that." Right then, we pulled into the TCW Parking lot. "You ready to make our entrance?" He asked. I nodded. He took my hand and we walked into the gym, where the Homecoming dance was being held. A pack of Ray's buddies were standing their with their dates. They waved us over and we began to talk to them. "So Budds is ol' Bertier getting Homecoming king?" One of the guys, Greg Tollman asked.  
  
"Who the hell cares?" Ray spat.  
  
"Well I think that its gonna be him and Emma Hoyt," Greg's date Laura was saying. "Either that or Ronnie Bass and whoever he goes with."  
  
"What do you think Ash? Who's gonna get it?" Greg asked me.  
  
"Um I dunno." I wasn't about to say Ronnie or Gerry. "Come on Ash! You must have a guess." Laura gushed. "Ronnie Bass then. He should get it over Bertier." I said. Greg laughed. "Hey Budds you picked a good date. She's loyal she don't like Gerry Bertier neither. But I think it's better him than that homo Bass. What the hell is up with that fruitcake?"  
  
The whole pack started laughing. I almost threw up. These people were terrible. But yet again, they didn't know all of the issues that I'd had with the two guys. I guess I couldn't blame them. My thoughts were interrupted when Ray grabbed my hand and said "Let's go dance. I wanna show off how I have the best girl here." I smiled weakly and followed him. We were slow dancing to Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers when I caught sight of Ronnie. He was dancing with his date, Michelle Becker who was some sophomore I really didn't know. I tried not to look at him and instead to concentrate on Ray, the guy I was "in love" with. I remember Ray talking a lot while we danced, but I couldn't tell you anything he said. I just smiled and nodded and giggled when it seemed appropriate. After that dance, Ray and I went off and talked to a few of his friends. After a few songs, Ray asked me if it was alright with me if he danced with his friend Lisa. I said sure and sat down. A few minutes later, the song that I had heard while getting ready began to play-My Girl. I closed my eyes tight, hoping that I was just imagining it and it would stop. But something altogether different happened. "Ashley?" A voice behind me said slowly. I turned around to see Ronnie standing there. I looked up at him cautiously, hoping that he wouldn't detect the sadness in my eyes. "Will you dance with me?"  
  
He looked at me earnestly and held out his hand. Slowly, I picked up my own trembling hand and put it in his. I don't need no money, fortune, or fame.  
  
I've got all the riches baby one man can claim.  
  
I guess you'd say  
  
What can make me feel this way? He held me close, closer than I think even he expected. But I didn't mind, somehow dancing with Ronnie was better than Ray. I felt safe and happy in Ronnie's arms while a little uncomfortable in Ray's because of his notorious roving hands. But wait no, that's not right. I didn't have feelings for Ronnie. I couldn't. I loved Ray. "Ashley I need to know why." He pulled back and looked down at me. "Because we're in love you asshole." A voice behind me said. Ray had come up behind us. "Let's get out of here Ash. We'll leave Mr. Homecoming King alone to be worshipped by his little fairy subjects." Ray grabbed my hand and pulled me away before I could even spit out a quick apology to Ronnie. We walked out to the car, Ray still holding my hand and pulling me along. "What the hell was that?" I screamed at him as I pulled my hand loose. "He was all over you! Why were you dancing with him in the first place?" Ray yelled back.  
  
"We used to be friends! You were dancing with Lisa and I was bored and he asked me so I said yeah."  
  
"Then he wanted to know why you came here with me! I know that's what he meant! Ashley come on get serious! Ronnie Bass likes you. He likes you a lot a blind dude could see that! And he thinks that I'm the scum of the earth so he'd do anything to convince you of that!"  
  
"Just drop it Ray! I'm a big girl and I can make my own decisions! If I didn't want to be here with you then I wouldn't be! If I liked Ronnie I'd have gone with him! But I don't! I like you-I love you!" Tears had started to form in my eyes. Ray stopped. "Ash don't cry!" He came over to me and hugged me close to him. "I'm sorry baby. Don't be mad at me. Its just.I don't like seeing you with him. I know you guys are friends but I was always worried that there was something more." "Its okay, its just I always have my dad telling me what to do and I don't want it from you."  
  
Ray put his hands over my lips. "Shhhh. Say no more. I'll never be this way to you again. I promise."  
  
I slowly smiled and whispered. "Thank you."  
  
We stood there in the parking lot for a few more minutes. "Baby?" Ray asked me.  
  
I looked up at him. "You wanna get out of here? Go somewhere where its just the two of us?"  
  
A million thoughts raced into my head. I had heard rumor after rumor about Ray treating girls badly. But this was the new Ray.my Ray. The Raymond Budds who loved me and would fight Ronnie Bass for me. So I said "Yeah."  
  
We got in his car and drove. We ended up at the Hill, the local makeout spot. It was pretty deserted considering everyone was at homecoming.  
  
"The view is pretty." I remarked, hoping to break the silence. "You're prettier." He said. I grinned at him. He leaned over and kissed me. Soon after, we had moved to the backseat. Ray was on top of me and we were both breathing heavily.  
  
"Are you ready Ashley?" He looked down at me with this look of adoration that I couldn't describe then and still don't know if I can describe now. I just knew that it was real. Not a weekend fling, this was the real deal, right here and now. I slowly nodded and right there in the back of a pickup truck, I gave myself to the guy that I loved. Or at least thought I loved. 


	10. Chapter 10

After homecoming, my life had done a complete 180. Before, I was still  
holding on to my broken friendships with Ronnie and Gerry, foolishly wishing that one day I'd wake up, walk into school, and have them standing  
by my locker. But now, after Ray almost hit Ronnie and Ray and me had "fallen in love," I knew that I had to let them go. Now, it seemed like I was with Ray every second of every day. And if not him, I was out with his  
group of friends and their girlfriends. I guess I was beginning to grow accustomed to them and their habits of trashing those who weren't in their  
select social circle. The situation was in no way ideal, but at least I  
always had someone to give Gerry a dirty look whenever I avoided eye contact with him in the hallways. At least I wasn't hiding in the bathrooms at lunch or sitting by myself in class. At least I didn't look as alone as  
I felt.  
  
That week, the entire school had gone football crazy. That Friday night was the regional championship game. Of course, I would not be attending. Ray  
had already informed me that we were going to a party at Paul DeLong's  
house instead. God knows Ray Budds is too stubborn to go and be seen  
supporting his former friends at the game. Honestly I think part of the  
reason he won't go is because of Ronnie. I don't think that he's 100% convinced that we were never more that friends and the risk of us being in the same place at the same time would be too far for Ray to go. Then again,  
I don't know how convinced I was that my feelings for Ronnie didn't run  
deeper than I had ever let on.  
  
Thankfully, the week passed uneventfully. Neither Ray nor me had any run-  
ins with Gerry or Ronnie. But by the time Friday rolled around, I was definitely ready for a Titan Football free weekend. So when last bell rang that afternoon, I bolted out of Calculus and found Ray waiting at my locker  
as usual.  
"Hey beautiful, you ready to get out of here?" He grinned.  
"Definitely. I thought the weekend would never come." I replied.  
"You stoked for the party tonight?"  
  
"Yeah, it should be pretty good." I said, only half listening. I had caught  
sight of Ronnie and Michelle at the other end of the hallway. They were standing very close and he was holding her hand and whispering stuff in her  
ear which made her burst out laughing.  
  
"Ashley? You listening?" Ray's voice brought my attention back to where it  
should have been all along. "Sorry baby. Just spaced out." I smiled. And before he got a chance to look  
at what exactly I was spacing out at, I pulled his head toward me and  
kissed him. When I broke it, he grinned his signature cocky grin. "Well Ash, I appreciate the gesture but aren't we getting started a little early  
tonight?"  
  
I laughed. "Don't get too excited."  
  
"Hey babe I gotta go. I'll pick you up tonight?"  
  
"Sounds good." He kissed me on the cheek, turned and walked out of the  
school.  
I turned to my locker and began packing up my backpack with my weekend  
homework when all of a sudden I heard Blue and Petey's voices.  
"Dude Sunshine has been pissy since homecoming. What's the deal?" Blue said. I looked over and the two boys were standing by Petey's locker which was a little ways down the hall from mine. They couldn't see me because my  
locker door obscured their vision. Petey rolled his eyes. "Man do you even have to ask? I don't know why he cares so much but it all goes back to Ashley. He has to realize that she ain't coming back to him, she has her precious Ray now. That girl made her  
choice and she's living with it so I guess we all have to deal with it  
too."  
  
Blue nodded. "I never expected it from her though, she was such a nice and down to earth kid, nothing like Ray. I wonder what she sees in him, I mean  
what do Ray and his friends have that we don't?"  
  
"Listen man, I don't know and I don't care. Ashley made her choice and I really don't care what she does from now on. She ditched Sunshine for Ray and you know, maybe tells us more than we've been willing to look at about her, ya know? I mean if she could blow of Ronnie for Ray, then maybe she's  
not as great as we thought."  
  
That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. I slammed my locker shut so hard that the boys looked up. Color drained from their faces. I walked over to  
them and took a deep breath.  
  
"Don't you think I know what I've gotten myself into?" I stared up at  
Petey.  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"You know what I'm talking about Petey Jones, don't act like I didn't hear every word you just said. But say what you want, I just want you to know  
that maybe, if I had the chance to go back and do it all over again it  
would have been different. Maybe I'd be happy and actually have friends that gave a shit about me, but no, you must think you know the truth, that I'm really happier now with my racist asshole friends and a boyfriend who cares only about being right and being laid. Right Petey? Isn't that how it  
goes?"  
  
I saw him open his mouth to respond, and maybe he did but I didn't hear him. I was too busy running to my car and trying to hold back the tears and  
the realization of how bad I had screwed up. 


	11. Chapter 11

DISCLAIMER-I DON'T OWN THE TITANS-as usual Ryan Hurst is a god and I wish I owned him but you know how that goes. Ashley, her dad and random friends are mine too.  
  
Thirty miles to go.I lit another cigarette to help ease my nerves. What was worse, I thought to myself, knowing that my best friend is gone or having to face my past? Having to look all of them in the eye after screwing up like I did.how am I going to face them?  
  
I went home like I always did and tried to convince myself that there was nothing wrong, that I hadn't yelled at Petey, that Ray made me happy, that I liked my new friends and that.that I didn't regret everything I had done in the past few weeks. But that was to no avail. I wish I could have gone back and said no to Ray when he asked me to homecoming, I wish I hadn't fought with Gerry, I wished that Ronnie.never mind about Ronnie.  
  
Besides from the mental exhaustion Ray and Ronnie and the rest of the guys had caused me, I had been feeling a little under the weather that whole week. I had these spells where I was extremely dizzy or nauseous and had even spent the previous night in the bathroom throwing up, but I assumed it was just a passing virus or nervous energy from my less than calm social life.  
  
I spent that afternoon lying around the house, having a few meaningless phone calls with my new best friends about how great the party tonight was going to be and how lame football was anyway. As I got ready for the party, I flipped on the radio and tried to find some station that wasn't playing "Hey Hey Goodbye" or some other good luck tribute to the Titans. I wish I could have been there like old times, cheering for my boys and celebrating afterwards, but no, tonight I'd be watching a bunch of guys drink and get horny-an exciting combination.  
  
At 7:00, Ray came over to pick me up. However, we didn't leave until 7:30 because he decided to make nice with my dad. My father had fallen in love with Ray Budds more than I had and I cannot describe how irritating it is to have your father care about your boyfriend and talk about him more than you do. After what seemed like hours of small talk about Ray's future and all that good stuff, I finally succeeded in dragging Ray out of the door.  
  
"Babe you look hot.sorry I couldn't tell you before-you know I mean I gotta make nice with the parentals." Ray grinned over at me from the driver's seat. I smiled weakly. Ray continued. "Man I have your dad wrapped around my finger-get this-he said that I didn't have to worry about getting you home if I wasn't ok to drive because he trusts us not to do anything! What an idiot! God if he'd only know what a little sex freak you are he'd have a rude awakening."  
  
I felt sick to my stomach. I AM NOT A SEX FREAK WE DID IT TWICE! AND I REGRET BOTH TIMES! I wanted to scream it at him but of course-I didn't. The feeling of nausea got worse as we drove by TCW because the whole place was decked out with Titan support paraphernalia. They were off playing at some other stadium, but as far as I was concerned, Ronnie Bass and Gerry Bertier could be staring right into the car.  
  
When we got to the party, it was already in high gear. All of Ray's friends were trashed and soon tossed a beer in one of his hands and a joint in the other. I didn't have time to think about how gross he looked because Laura and the girls handed me a wine cooler and decided to fill me in on the latest gossip. My stomach turned to jelly after one sip of that wine cooler, I thought I was going to go into another one of my dizzy spells. However, the girls didn't notice and kept talking.  
  
"Oh, and Lisa Connors? Did you hear about her? Supposedly she's doing Rev Harris-that injured quarterback! That is so gross she is WAY too good for him!" Stacey, Laura and Meg continued to trash people and gossip like that for what seemed like hours. I looked at my watch-8:30. I had been there less than an hour. I could seriously kill myself.  
  
But wait! It gets better! A completely drunken Ray comes over. "Heeeyyy Ashaleeeeey what's shakin?" I raised an eyebrow. "How drunk are you?"  
  
He laughed. "A little. But remember-Daddy practically gave us permission to have a little sexual fun this evening.so you wanna get started?" Without warning he leaned over and shoved his tongue down my throat. I pushed him off. "Ashley! What the hell is your problem?" He slurred at me as I started to walk away. I couldn't deal with it.  
  
Ray staggered after me and I heard Stacey say behind me "I don't know what that girl's deal is! I mean she has Ray Budds and she's not giving him any! She better rethink her relationship ideas." I kept walking and I heard Ray yell behind me "Where you going? The bedrooms the other direction! Are you on your period or something?"  
  
I had my hand on the front doorknob when it suddenly swung in towards me. Melanie Carter and Matt Brenner were walking in. They were just a couple of acquaintances I knew from school. "Hey Ash!" Mel greeted me cheerfully. "Mel I have a huge favor to ask." She looked concerned. "What's wrong?"  
  
I took a deep breath. "Ray's drunk and he's not taking no for an answer and I just wanna go home and I don't have a car with me so I know you guys just got here but you're the only people who haven't gotten trashed yet." Matt rolled his eyes. "Say no more. Budds can be an ass like that sometimes. We'll take you home, no problem."  
  
I sighed, relieved that I would be able to get away from the suffocating party. I was walking out of the door when I felt a hand on my shoulder.  
  
I spun around to find that Ray had staggered after me. "You're not going anywhere but upstairs with me!" He grabbed my wrist and started pulling me towards the stairs.  
  
I tried to release his grasp. "Goddammit Ray let go of me! I'm not going anywhere with you! You're drunk and you're an asshole and you are probably the biggest mistake I've made in my entire life!"  
  
His gaze hardened while his grip on me lessened. "What are you talking about?"  
  
I mustered up all of the courage I had inside of me. "It's over. So take your Budweiser and pot and find someone else to get it on with because I'm not you're little plaything anymore." And with that, I turned and walked out the door, Melanie and Matt close behind.  
  
As soon as the door slammed behind me, Mel ran over to me. "Oh my god Ashley! Are you ok? I mean.do you realize what you just did?"  
  
I nodded in response as I climbed in the backseat of Matt's car. Mel sighed. "Thank god! I knew it was only a matter of time for you two."  
  
"Why do you say that?"  
  
Mel looked at Matt and laughed. "Come on Ashley I mean.you're too nice for Ray Budds. He likes his girls quiet and willing to do whatever he wants. You're too confident, too sure in yourself to deal with that. I think the entire world was surprised when you picked him over Ronnie Bass."  
  
My heart nearly stopped at the mention of Ronnie. "Me and Ronnie? No. We were just friends-seriously and that's all we ever would have been."  
  
"Sure, Ash. But I won't bug you about it."  
  
Just then, we hit a patch of traffic. Mel craned her neck out the window. "What's all this about? It's too late for traffic."  
  
Matt looked out his window. "Oh I bet the team just got back and by the looks of it they won." Mel squealed with excitement. "Oh let's go stop by and see them! I bet it's a party down there!" Matt obliged and we followed the pack of cars into the TC Williams parking lot. I wanted nothing more than to scream "NO TURN AROUND I CANT GO IN THERE!" but of course I didn't.  
  
Mel was right. Most of the town had gone down to the school when they found out that the Titans had won. The bus had just arrived back and the parking lot was packed with people in red and white. Mel grabbed my arm and dragged me around to say hi to what seemed like half of the school. I tried my best to avoid the eye contact of the team, hoping to god that they wouldn't notice me in the crowd.  
  
All around me people were cheering and driving by in their cars screaming out their windows with the music cranked up high. Mel and Matt had continued walking and dragging me along with them when I saw Ronnie talking to his parents. He hadn't seen me so I made a beeline in the other direction. I stood on the outskirts of the group, waiting for Mel and Matt to take me home when I saw Gerry climb into his Camaro. As he drove through the crowd, he caught the attention of everyone he passed. He smiled and laughed as people screamed out "You're the best Bertier!" and "Awesome game! Hope for a repeat at states!"  
  
Next thing I knew, Gerry stomped on the gas and floored it out of the parking lot. A truck was flying down the street, but he didn't seem to notice. "Gerry!" I screamed out-but it was too late. They had already collided. Gerry's car had spun out and flipped over in the middle of the road. When the crowd noticed, everyone's attention turned from the team to the pile of twisted metal in the middle of the road. Matt and Melanie ran over to me. "Oh my god what happened!" Was the resounding cry from the crowd. "Ashley? Ash are you alright?" Matt's voice was the last thing I remember hearing before feeling really dizzy and going black. 


	12. Chapter 12

DISCLAIMER-I DON'T OWN THE TITANS-as usual Ryan Hurst is a god and I wish I owned him but you know how that goes. Ashley, her dad and random friends are mine too.  
  
"Ashley! Oh my god!" I slowly came to with my head in Matt's lap and Melanie lightly tapping my face. Matt helped me to my feet. "Tell me.tell me that I didn't just see what I think I saw." I said slowly. Mel's tearstained face told me that my worst fears had come true. "He just pulled out into the intersection.the ambulance took him to the ER."  
  
I took a deep breath. "I need to go to the hospital." Matt and Mel looked at me. "You've had a rough enough night-you should just go home-" "No! You don't understand.you don't have to drive me I can find someone-" "I'll take her." A voice behind us said. I spun around and Ronnie was standing right behind me. I looked up at him, tears rolling down my cheeks, overcome with emotion. Matt cut in to my overwhelming moment. "Ahh Bass thanks a lot man. Make sure she gets home ok-she's had a rough night-Budds was a real ass to her-I'm sure she'll fill you in." Mel turned to me. "Hang in there kid. Call me if you need anything." She gave me a hug, then she grabbed Matt's hand and they walked to their car.  
  
I stood there; my eyes welled over with tears, my back to Ronnie. He put his hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked me. I nodded. He guided me to his car, his hand on the small of my back. I got into his car and leaned against the window. "What happened with Ray?" He asked, a slight hint of malice in his voice.  
  
"He was drunk and he made a scene and I wouldn't go upstairs with him at this stupid party so I got fed up and dumped him in front of the entire place. Then Mel and Matt were coming in and I knew they were probably my only shot of a sober ride out of there so I got them to take me home and on the way we saw the party in the parking lot and they wanted to stop by so we did.and we were there for a while when Gerry-" I couldn't finish. My eyes had overflowed with tears again and I had started weeping. What if he wasn't ok? What if I didn't get to tell him how sorry I was? What if.the questions ran through my mind and it made me feel even worse.  
  
By that time, we had pulled into the parking lot at the Alexandria Memorial Hospital. Ronnie parked the car and he turned to face me. I looked up at him, then collapsed into his arms crying. "What have I done to myself?" I whispered through sobs. I could feel his grip tighten on me. "Ash.don't think about any of that right now. You have enough on your plate, there will be time for all of that later."  
  
I looked into his eyes. "How can you put up with me? After the bitch I've been-" He cut me off. "You haven't been a bitch.you just haven't been you, and I might not have loved that, but I'm not gonna ostracize you for it."  
I dried my tears and climbed out of Ronnie's car. We walked in silence towards the hospital doors and into a crowded room. The Titans sat around the room in silence, many with their heads in their hands either crying or praying, I couldn't tell which. When they became aware of my presence, I was the target of many sharp looks, looks that said "What are you doing here little miss sellout?" I think Ronnie could tell that I was uncomfortable, so he put his arm around me and led me over to the guys.  
  
"How bad is it?" He asked the group.  
  
The guys looked back and forth at one another, as if debating who would be the one to break it to him. Alan spoke up. "Paralyzed. From the waist down."  
  
My heart nearly stopped beating in my chest. I closed my eyes together tight, thinking maybe if I prayed enough I could wish it all away, but when I opened my eyes again, the stern looks on the team's faces made it clear that my wish hadn't come true. A few minutes later, Julius emerged from Gerry's room with tears running down his face. Coach Yoast met him and gave him a comforting hug.  
  
The dizziness came back as I watched the heartrending scene. I could feel the color drain from my face as the room began to become fuzzy. "Ashley? You ok?" Alan asked, but I only half heard him. The room had started to spin, and I only heard bits and pieces of what everyone around me was saying.  
"She's gonna.she looks sick.what's wrong with her.she's really pale.Ashley are you alright.can you hear me.I think she's gonna.pass out.throw up.what's wrong." Then I lost hearing altogether and for the second time that night, everything went black and my body went limp. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Ashley! Can you hear me? Ashley its Ronnie." Ronnie's voice slowly started to become clear as my vision came back. I was lying on the floor, my head in Ronnie's lap with a crowd of people around me. My head was pounding and I could barely remember where I was. "Ronnie? What happened?" I asked.  
  
"You fainted. After we told you what happened to Gerry and Julius came out you started looking like you might throw up but you just collapsed." Another voice, Rev's I think said.  
  
Ronnie spoke again. "Ash, I think we better get a doctor, I mean this is the second time tonight you've fainted..."  
  
I cut him off. "Well, that's not really surprising considering what's happened."  
  
He sighed. "Still, just humor me. We'll get you a doctor and just double check that you're ok."  
  
I knew protesting was useless so I nodded. Next thing I knew, Ronnie was carrying me in his arms and for the first time in what seemed like years, I felt safe and happy again. He didn't hate me.thank god after all I had put him through Ronnie Bass did not hate me.  
  
The next hour or so passed in a blur. I was admitted to the hospital, had to take a blood test and some strange medication, all the while I thought about Gerry, wishing I could talk to him. As I lied in the strange hospital bed, a knock at my door interrupted my thoughts. Ronnie poked his head in the door. "Can I come in?"  
  
I nodded as he opened the door. "How you holdin up?"  
  
I shrugged. "Ok, I guess, I wish I could talk to Gerry instead of lying here like some terminally ill person." "You want me to bust you out? Say we have to call your dad or something and see if I can get you in to see him?" I looked up at him, his blue eyes looking intensely at me. "Can we?" I asked. No sooner had I spoken than Ronnie had found a wheelchair in the corner of the room. He picked me up and put me in it. "Ronnie, I can walk you know." I said, embarrassed.  
  
He shrugged. "I know, but first of all you're sick and the test results wont be back for a little while and I don't want to take any chances and second of all, it will help us fool the doctors a little bit."  
Ronnie pushed me down the hallway, past several nurses and doctors who didn't ask questions as to why I wasn't resting. The waiting room outside of Gerry's room was far less crowded than before, only Mrs. Bertier, Coach Yoast, Coach Boone and Julius remained. When they saw me approach in the wheelchair, looks of concern etched their faces. "She's fine.just a little spaced out after she fainted." Ronnie spoke before I had to face any questions from the crowd. I looked up and into the room where Gerry was lying. I could only see a lump lying beneath the covers. "Would you like to see him?" Mrs. Bertier's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Is it alright? I mean." I trailed off. She tried to smile. "I'm sure he would want to see you, go on in."  
  
I pushed myself up from the wheelchair and slowly walked into Gerry's room. I was slightly shaking as I entered the room. Gerry was awake, but facing the opposite wall. "I'm sick and tired of all you doctors for one night. Can't you just leave me alone?" Gerry turned his head and stopped when he saw me. He said nothing, only stared. I took a deep breath. "Gerry." But I couldn't speak. My lip began to tremble and the tears began to flow. I turned to leave but his voice stopped me. "Don't go."  
  
Slowly, I turned back to him. "Sit down, I guess I could use some company right now." I walked over to a chair next to his bed. He looked up at me. "Why are you all decked out in these fine designer hospital gowns? You trying to look as stylish as me?" I couldn't tell if it was rude sarcasm or an attempt to break the ice. "Its nothing.I fainted and people overreacted."  
  
"You fainted? Why?" He wasn't even making eye contact with me.just staring at the ceiling.  
"Two guesses." I said.  
"I have that effect on people I guess." He looked at me. "Gerry, I." I started. "No. Me first. I shouldn't have-" "NO! I shouldn't have shut you out.Ray was a mistake.I should have just listened to you but I didn't. And all I've wanted these past few weeks is to be friends again and now." I couldn't finish. Fresh tears formed in my eyes and I knew it was no use in trying to restrain them.  
  
"Stop crying! My god! If one more person cries for me today I swear to god I'll throw up!" He snapped. I bit my lip and hastily wiped my eyes. "I'm sorry.I just.how the hell do you want me to react? My life has been falling apart and then this happens! What the hell do you want from me Bertier? All I want is to have you back, have you be my friend again but now this happens and." I stopped. I couldn't say anything else.  
  
Gerry was looking up at the ceiling. "Why didn't you just come back?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "You make it sound so simple.I screwed up so bad.I couldn't face you again."  
  
He reached out his hand and put it on mine. "Ash.I don't know why you think that.I was mad sure.but I never thought that fight would let us all lose you. I wish things could go back to how they were.but now they never ever can because of.this." He closed his eyes tight, trying to hold back tears.  
  
I leaned over and held him. "Its ok.you can cry to me. You don't have to be superman all the time you know. Its ok to have feelings." The tears he had desperately been trying to restrain finally came loose and he held my hand tightly. I knew I had him back. I knew that my friends were better people than I was, I knew that somehow, things would work out and get back to normal.  
  
I couldn't have been more wrong. 


	13. Chapter 13

I stayed at the hospital until Sunday morning. A dismissive doctor told me he'd call with the results of my tests later on that afternoon. As I left the hospital, I stopped by Gerry's room again. His spirits were slightly better, as the majority of the guys had been stopping by his room throughout the day. When I poked my head in his room, I saw that Ronnie was sitting there with him. They looked up as they saw me and immediately ceased their conversation.  
  
"Hey Ash, how are you feeling?" Gerry said as I walked over to his bed.  
  
"Fine. I've always been fine physically, just a little emotionally overwhelmed. You're the one I'm worried about Bertier, how you holding up?"  
  
He shrugged. "Alright I guess. Got some pretty powerful painkillers in me so that numbs the feeling of having Sunshine here." A small smile crossed his lips.  
  
"I owe Sunshine a lot you know.if it wasn't for him I could never have gotten to see you the other night.or even gotten to the hospital at all seeing that my primary source of transportation was piss drunk at that stupid party." I bit my lip. Way to go Ash! Bring Ray up! Nice going! I saw Gerry and Ronnie exchange glances, Gerry's irritated and Ronnie's.well I couldn't quite figure out what he was thinking.  
  
"It was my pleasure. Its not everyday that a second string quarterback gets to pick up a damsel in distress on the side of the road." He forced a smile. I weakly smiled in return. "Well, I should call my dad and get him to come and get me. Honestly I don't even think he knows I'm here."  
  
"Don't bother. I can drive you home." Ronnie said as he reached for his keys. "No.its ok you should stay with Gerry and I don't wanna make you go out of your way-"  
  
"If I didn't want to I wouldn't have offered. I've been here for a while anyway, I'm sure ol' Bertier's sick of my ugly face." Ronnie said as Gerry nodded in agreement.  
  
"Well if you don't mind I definitely would be thankful not to have to explain to my dad that I was in the hospital."  
  
And with that we headed out. When we exited the hospital, there was a slight tension in the air, as if neither of us knew what to say. I certainly knew I didn't.and I hated that feeling. Ronnie was supposed to be one of my best friends and I was never at a loss for words with him.well that is until other feelings got in the way. Why oh why did that boy start to like me.why did I get with Ray.why can't I stop looking at him? NO. Ashley Cole you made your bed now you lie in it. You CANT start liking Ronnie.that would be too cliché-and besides you probably just like him because you know he likes you too, and because he would never hurt you, pressure you, make you cry, make you mad.OK fine, I get it. There is no good reason why I should not like Ronnie.  
  
"Earth to Ashley? Have you heard a single word I said?"  
  
"What? Oh sorry I was spacing out. What?" I looked over at him, trying to shake any less than platonic thoughts about him from my mind.  
  
He smiled and shrugged. "Its ok. I was just talking about Gerry."  
  
"Oh." I replied, remembering that my best friend would never be the same again. "Its not fair Ronnie.he shouldn't have had it happen to him."  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, you're right. But we can't go back in time and change it Ash. We all have to move on, make the best of what's to come. I shrugged and remained silent.  
  
Ronnie continued. "You have no idea how many times I wish I could go back in time these past couple weeks." The look on my face portrayed confusion, but I had a pretty good idea of where he was going with this. "Ash, I should have just said it outright.and I know you know and you haven't said anything but." He trailed off.  
  
"But what?" I asked, grabbing his arm and stopping him in his tracks. He looked away from me. I rolled my eyes. "Goddammit Ronnie if you have something to say then spit it out! I've had a rough couple days and my patience is running thin!" Immediately I regretted yelling at him, but he took a deep breath and continued.  
  
"Ok then, here goes. From the second I saw you I knew you were something special and I wanted to get to know you. Then after talking to you for 5 minutes I knew that I would end up falling for you. And when I saw what good friends we were becoming, I tried to stop.honestly I did. I didn't want to ruin having a friendship with you because I might have feelings for you. I mean come on I wasn't even sure what I was feeling and I didn't want to blow having you as a friend or as more. Then that stupid night you came over and we played football-I couldn't keep it in anymore. Having you there, so close to me.all I wanted was to tell you that I wanted to be more than friends, to tell you that you meant more to me than that. But things just didn't work out and all this bullshit with Ray-you have NO IDEA how hard its been for me to watch that, knowing that he treats you like dirt. And with Gerry, I mean its really made me put things in perspective and I'm coming out and saying it right now-Ashley Cole, I think that I'm in love with you."  
  
We stood in the parking lot next to his car silently for a few moments. Ronnie was in love with me. I was a mess who didn't deserve someone like him. I didn't know what to say.how do you follow up something like that? I closed my eyes and bit my lip, unsure of what to do next.  
  
I felt Ronnie's hand on my arm. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel him lean in towards me and whisper in my ear. "Say something. Even if its not what I want you to say. I need you to say something."  
  
I slowly opened my eyes and took a deep breath. I knew that I had feelings for Ronnie, but I also knew that I didn't deserve him. I knew that everything that had happened with Ray and Gerry and the accident would put a permanent damper on any attempts at a relationship.  
  
I looked up at him, his intense blue eyes staring down at me and his hand still resting on my arm. I was still clueless as to what to do at this moment. Nothing I could say could encompass my feelings of 'more that like but not quite love' and unworthiness. But one desire in the back of my mind held strong, and since every bone in my body was wavering, I decided to go for it.  
  
"I should have done this a long time ago." I stood on my tiptoes, put my arm around his neck and kissed him. Butterflies that I had never felt with Ray flew all around my stomach and for the first time in weeks I felt safe and happy. Finally admitting to myself that I did like Ronnie was almost as incredible as feeling his lips kiss me back, returning the love.  
  
When we broke the kiss, I looked back into his eyes. "I'm sorry I put you through hell. You don't deserve that. I don't deserve you. I have never ever met anyone who regardless of all the crap I've done still cares about me."  
  
He put his two strong hands on my face. "Ash, we all make mistakes. Put Ray in the past and think about all the good things to come." Then he kissed me again, making everything alright.  
  
On the drive home, Ronnie and I made up for lost time. He told me about Michelle and how she was his parents' friend and that's how he met her and how she never really meant anything to him. I told him about my father and how insane he'd been acting. We both discussed football and the amazing run of the Titans. We seemed to appear at my driveway all too quickly.  
  
"Well, this is where I get off. Thanks for the ride." I smiled at him.  
  
"Thanks for the company-and the honesty followed by good news for me." He grinned and quickly kissed me before I hopped out of the car.  
  
I walked into my house and my father's absence was a welcomed surprise. I collapsed on the couch, smiling over how I had finally admitted my feelings for Ronnie. Smiling about how tomorrow would be wonderful because I had the love of someone who was absolutely incredible. Smiling because-wait. The ringing phone interrupted my reliving of Ronnie's speech and kiss. I ran over and answered it. "Yes hello, is Ashley Cole available please?"  
  
"This is Ashley."  
  
"Yes, hello, this is Alexandria Memorial Hospital and we have the results of your tests as to why you fainted the other night.''  
  
"And?" I asked, expecting a whole spiel about how I should eat breakfast and blah blah blah or else my body will be weak and I'll faint and fun stuff like that.  
  
"Well, Miss Cole it appears as though you are pregnant."  
  
I almost dropped the phone. "I'm what?"  
  
"Pregnant, dear. About a month or so, does that make sense? You are sexually active aren't you?"  
  
The nurse's voice seemed to drown out. I was what? No. I couldn't be. Ray COULDN'T have done that. He COULDN'T have.I couldn't have let him. I dropped the phone on the floor. I put a hand to my stomach, disbelieving that I could go from the highest high with Ronnie down to the depths of despair with this baby and Ray. I could still hear the nurse chattering on the phone, not knowing that it was lying far from my ears. I reached for it and hung up, then I did the mature thing-I ran to the bathroom and cried my eyes out, wondering how I was going to have a baby-and more importantly-how I was going to tell Ray and Ronnie. 


End file.
